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I'm So Sorry
September 17, 1934 My wife, Dianne, and I just finished unpacking our things and we feel that moving to Chicago was the right choice. We have finally escaped from our past and it feels good to have a fresh start. Our son is due to be born next week and although I have been very anxious about this, as well as the move, I think we will be happy here. We have very kind neighbors who are surprisingly helpful. I am lucky I found this place and I could see myself spending the rest of my life here. -Darryl Williams September 25, 1934 Today our son was born. He is absolutely beautiful. He has my looks and his mother`s charm. He is happy and, most importantly, healthy. I never knew I could love something so much. This is now officially the best day of my life. -Darryl Williams September 30, 1934 Our newborn, Todd, has been having trouble sleeping but that's normal. What's striking me as odd is that Dianne and I have been having night terrors. And they have been the exact same. It about this man sobbing uncontrollably lying in a mess of some frothing substance. The man is covering up his face with his hands. We don`t know what could be causing these dreams. -Darryl Williams October 3, 1934 The dreams are getting worse I haven't had any sleep in three days. The dreams are starting to blend with reality. The sobbing of that man has been accompanied by whispers. I want to reach out to him. Help him. But I don't know what to do. -Darryl Williams October 5, 1934 His whispers have been replaced with apologies. He is kneeling in the froth rocking sporadically. "Sorry. I didn't want it to be like this. I'm so sorry, I don't want to but it forced me" over and over and over again. His voice is in my head and I can't get it out. I need help. -Darryl Williams October 6, 1934 His apologizes keep getting louder. His screams of agony are muffled by his blood stained hands "I DIDN'T MEAN IT. I'M SO SORRY!" He's getting angry but his pain is still present. The lines have been completely erased between reality and fantasy. I have been distant and haven't spent any time with my family at least that's what I think. -Darryl Williams October 7, 1934 His voice is getting louder and his words I feel are my own. I feel his pain. His sorrow. His anguish as his belly is crumpled in the pool of almost black substance. -Darryl Williams October 10, 1934 This night he took his hands away from his face. Tracks from his tears were engraved into his cheeks and his eyes were empty as if they had been torn out. He rushed at me then disappeared. He is in my head, he is changing my actions. -Darryl Williams October 12, 1934 I must get him out. GET OUT OF MY HEAD. I pick at my body to try to give him some exit but nothing works my eyes are becoming increasingly irritated. It's as if hornets are tenaciously stinging them from the inside. I must get them out. -Darryl Williams October 13, 1934 I have done something terrible. My family is gone. It did it. It won. I'm so sorry Dianne I destroyed what we loved most. I can't handle to see you this way. -Darryl Williams October 14, 1934 I set them up at the table so we could have a nice dinner. Am I going mad? -Darryl Williams October 17, 1934 (illegible) October 21, 1934 I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm so sorry Dianne. Please forgive me. I didn't want to do it. It made me. Please forgive me. Please. I'm sorry. How many times do I need to say. Forgive me. FORGIVE ME. I'M SORRY. It made me. I never wanted it to end like this. Yet, I did. I'm sorry. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. I'm sorry. Sorry. I apologize. It wasn't my fault. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. FORGIVE ME. FORGIVE ME. WAKE UP! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT? THIS IS NOT HOW IT W (rest of the entry is illegible) -Him Category:Diary/Journal Category:Dreams/Sleep Category:Mental Illness